You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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