my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
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I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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