I hope mine doesn't look like that
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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