It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
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YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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