I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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