I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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