Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
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I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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