Betty ford says i'm here all night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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