I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize