Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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