ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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