so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize