My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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