She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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