When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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