My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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