My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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