yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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