So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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