So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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