needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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