so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize