I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize