Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
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I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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