he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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