I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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