I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
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so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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