Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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