at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
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Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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