ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize