He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize