he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize