I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize