But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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