So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize