areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
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If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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