he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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