why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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