My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
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She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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