Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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