phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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