between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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