I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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