the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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