Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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