Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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