M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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