im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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