I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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