She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
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At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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